la vie en rose

i don't see it as a matter of being wrong, or stupid. i did everything i could, i decorated streets and laced all my words with the most love i could, without offending or putting it at risk.

i created beautiful things, i grew, i knew patience, i knew suffering, i knew butterflies and a different kind of freedom. i wrote well. i painted better. i sang with more emotion than i had before, so that i was praised for the manipulation of my aching heart to a song. i graduated from this stage of life so different from yours, without a tear shed when i knew, as i had known, that you wouldn't be watching

i didn't realize til after i knew that you loved her with stability and truth, that it was silly of me to believe that my age would change our love. because if all this time, age didn't matter, we would have found a way, yours and mine aside

you are so beautiful, so funny, so quirky, so unbelievably kind..all these things you once said, in a sense, right back to me. we had something and i hope that as you leave to do things you must, listening, writing, that you aren't ashamed of me or what we once were. because at times, we were beautiful - together. and today, we still are

together, we were beautiful but unbalanced. apart, we've found what we needed - and you, who needed it more than anything, have peace. i can tell in your words, and your absence of. in your songs. i knew you; i still do. and because of this, i can say now, that i loved you with all of me, made the best choices i could, and will always be a friend if you ever feel you have none. i'm keeping the spark you told me i had, and the one you helped me energize

no regrets,

love always,

emily. 18 years and nearly 3 months. collegebound, loved, and loving as much as ever

don't worry, we're almost there

when you wrote that, it completely turned my night around. i feel bad that i worry so much about where you go, when i'm the one that's started this waiting game. not that i had a choice. about as much of a choice as i had in deciding if i'd stick around or not. every day that goes by, is another "if it were last year" day. i wear my shoes and think about it often. to sort of commemorate the days we were both in the clouds

my song is almost done, flowers are slowly starting to bloom, i feel pretty (most times), i feel bright (most times), and just as always..you are the loveliest thing to me

NINE FREAKING TEEN days

baby, lets fly

happy almostapril

its a really bothersome feeling when you remember days of the past really clearly, and you realize that RIGHT NOW, at EXACTLY this moment..if it were a year ago, you'd be exploding with happiness. now i'm not really exploding with anything, just kinda sitting. wondering if i should tell you who i am, wondering if i really have been stupid all along (even though up til recently, you said that i wasn't)..wondering if maybe, i might even just be worried for no reason

i don't want it like this

i don't want her to talk

i don't want you to leave

i turn 18 in 25 days and my god. this time, a birthday WILL matter.

miss ya

miss ya tomorrow too..and that's no early's april fools joke

no need to worry

its almost shameful to admit that, well, i don't like her..and yeah..i haven't even met her. it seems so juvenile of me, it makes me wanna say ICK. and in my mind, i totally just did. its not jealousy though, and its not even necessarily just her..anyone that lives a life dominated by alcohol and shopping isn't really anyone that i could find being a friend of mine. and you've told me about her.

then again, its not just her..you got the charm, and well, when you add the alcohol on both parts, what would i expect? i didn't doubt these things, but its just strange to read i guess

its frustrating to be stuck in a "child's" kind of world, just hoping that you break those realms enough to keep another's attention til you can finally get out and "graduate" (almost literally), to theirs. you told me that there have been others, but nobody like me. i trust you. i always have. i guess its just another not-so-perk of waiting. seeing the time that you're free to be doted upon (with the best reason, obviously!),

i just wanna hold your hand and you can tell them to leave me alone, we can sing and i won't have to worry about the girls like her. 

(but on another note..you waiting for me in the parking lot today was probably the day's highlight. and i'm not too worried. less than 2 months to go, and i know that even with our strange ways of going back and forth..it hasn't failed yet. and for the record..you know damn well that there's nobody replacing you on my part)

we make love like each other

we get mad like each other

we were made for each other, but grew up differently

those eyes

they get me every time.

(hell yeah i'm hoping for something, and its worth every second)

what do ya think of me? MAKE AN ASSESSMENT

i spent the last week doing nice things, and incredibly normal things, with the one i love

and now, though its still not exactly as it should be, i'm not so afraid to say it anymore. sundaes and youtube and extra large pepperoni and just plain honesty, work magic.

ever since i met you a year ago,

i always knew..soooo..

be my valentine? it'd be a first -

and you'd be the best one ever

its prison break

driving to the bank, checking the mail, cooking macaroni, sitting on the cold wet street to 'help'  fix the car. that's where it all is easiest to understand

some things don't change, you're quite right.

let's carry out the plan. we got it so good. after all this time..

who is the one that leads me on through?!?!

its you! whoooooo..

where the underworld can meet the elite

42nd street

(come see it ;])

there are some things i truly believe in:

1. 70 degree, sunshiney weather makes everyone's lives a little better

2. dr. pepper has saved my life. 154 times

3. laughing with someone is just about second best to singing with someone

5. moments where you say the same thing at the same time with your best friend, are always super

5 (real). i just now realized that i'm so tired i went from 3 to 5

6. i miss kyle jaeger

7. you never know what will happen when you are a girl office aide

8. the world changes when my hair is straight, somehow

aaaaaaaaaand

SHOWA TIME

hello curls

when i'm with you i have fun

i absolutely adore music because it connects us all. i can't help but worry that things have changed, or that they will. but when its just you and me and a piano, or a guitar, or just a good song on the radio..i know its not that different at all. and any second thoughts, i forget. please write with me and be my harmony for always?

i haaaaate sleeeeeepin aloooooooooooone

at best its simulation

or can you set me free?

do what you feel now

the idea of not having to do the same ol lame ol 7:15 to 2:15 thing for school everyday makes me really happy. also making me happy are:

-vans oxfords

-webcam

-electric feel by mgmt

-dr. pepper

its easier to forget when you're busy

and right now, i think forgetting is best

but don't get me wrong. i still love you. i'm pretty sure you knew that already though

don't tell me i'm crazy for finding it so hard to forget

you know it was so real. but right now, i guess its another time to be quiet

i just hope you're smiling, for real, through and through, cause if you only knew your loveliness

i ain't gonna stop the rain by complainin

because i'm free!

we turn the wheel to which way we feel

til i'm lost and i cannot find you there.

its funny because contrary to my last post, this one isn't so sunshiney. its fair outside, yeah. but i don't feel great. it wouldn't have mattered to you before, you would cross the world for me then, but i don't think you would now. and i don't wanna think that's true. i guess that's why sometimes i just want to cry. walking away from something two people knew as perfect, seeing someone look at you and the good feelings they had for you disappear more and more every time until i wonder why i am still standing here drawing you pictures and wanting to hear you play music. you're so good at it all. such a charming person. and so skillful at walking away for whatever reason and coming back and taking my heart again when you please

not that i don't want you to have my heart

i do

and that's why i feel so stupid

stupid emily. but you'll never know the half of it, and i promised you that i'd always be this way, with this "spark" even if it doesn't work out. i promised before we even knew, but i'll still keep it. i remember everything i promised you

drive home, cry, take a nap

eat which wich and go to play practice

i don't think you'll call but i want you to prove me wrong

3 more months if it was meant to be

life goes on

sunshine is mighty fine

i gotta say

all i can think of is sunshine sunshine sunshine sunshine

it being more than 45 degrees (even though i had to use a spatula to scrape ice off my car this morning) makes me really really happy. like, lets wear a dress and smile a lot and turn up happy music kind of happy. mr. blue sky comes to mind especially :]

speaking of which

you've been quite the happy one lately. i don't really know why, but then when i think about it, i probably shouldn't wonder why too much. you being happy is what i ultimately want for you so, smile away! i love you all the same, but its so much lovelier to know that you're happy

i say yes to LIFE today

woopwoop!