i don't see it as a matter of being wrong, or stupid. i did everything i could, i decorated streets and laced all my words with the most love i could, without offending or putting it at risk.
i created beautiful things, i grew, i knew patience, i knew suffering, i knew butterflies and a different kind of freedom. i wrote well. i painted better. i sang with more emotion than i had before, so that i was praised for the manipulation of my aching heart to a song. i graduated from this stage of life so different from yours, without a tear shed when i knew, as i had known, that you wouldn't be watching
i didn't realize til after i knew that you loved her with stability and truth, that it was silly of me to believe that my age would change our love. because if all this time, age didn't matter, we would have found a way, yours and mine aside
you are so beautiful, so funny, so quirky, so unbelievably kind..all these things you once said, in a sense, right back to me. we had something and i hope that as you leave to do things you must, listening, writing, that you aren't ashamed of me or what we once were. because at times, we were beautiful - together. and today, we still are
together, we were beautiful but unbalanced. apart, we've found what we needed - and you, who needed it more than anything, have peace. i can tell in your words, and your absence of. in your songs. i knew you; i still do. and because of this, i can say now, that i loved you with all of me, made the best choices i could, and will always be a friend if you ever feel you have none. i'm keeping the spark you told me i had, and the one you helped me energize
no regrets,
love always,
emily. 18 years and nearly 3 months. collegebound, loved, and loving as much as ever