unresolved but okay

there's a lot of things i don't know, and probably won't
but i smile anyway? what's happened?
i think things that made me sad & confused have mixed and mashed themselves into something that a few weeks later, sank in and worked out. seems that things are better for us now, several of you. and it makes me smile how things fall together

i'm tired, and i won't ever really understand what is going on. i might not ever have any chance to for all i know. but i am still happy. and this is good, i don't think running my life with that state of mind was best for anyone, anyway



school is backkkk
and so is economic recession,
bundle o fun

a mini summer

its like we're in another, smaller, weirder summer partially without power or unlimited curfews or beaches. hah. beaches. i feel really bad for galveston and kemah, and i hope things are okay there. they're still not quite normal here in the land of pears


i felt very lonely this week and things have partially cleared up. why partially? because i am still missing one person who would have really been helpful this week as usual. why? not sure..but i guess i am managing well enough. do we really NEED people? i think there's some pyramid of needs that i learned about in health, and people are the third level or something, past food and shelter..

but sometimes, i feel like all i need i someone..and sometimes you are the only someone i really feel like talking to. you're different


but as this seems to get distant
i made a new friend which is making me pretty happy
so all is good?



we'll see

today will change that

i wonder why,
it all seems so difficult for me. can't anything just work out without strangeness?
and why don't i ever seem to know what i want
unless i feel i can't have it

is that how it is most times?

i cannot wait until the day i see someone and they see me and we automatically understand. and know.


i want to meet someone
and know i want them and just them, and that i should be with them
and i want them to feel exactly the same right then

for once..










life is crazy

even you thought so

i'm about to explode
i'm about to explode and all this sadness and confusion and weirdness and silliness
could all stop if i were to let it. but i'm too afraid.
i, emily,
am too afraid to say how i feel





and its driving me insane
i don't know how much longer i can deal with myself
myself, and THIS..you













there's other things
but this clouds my mind everyday
you cloud my mind everyday
and it shows no signs of stopping..